Awakenings

My Current World View

Awakenings

January 16, 2012

(I wrote this a few years ago, but posted here in honor of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr who lived and died for love and justice…)

To love is to get dirty

To love is to lose

To love is to fall apart

To love is to be broken

To love is to decay of materialistic living

To love is to wake up to the wonder of life

To love is to see with new eyes

To love is to shatter the expectations of others

To love is to shine a light on the grotesque nakedness of mediocrity

To love is to be still and know

To love is to satiate the soul with moments of just being

To love is to sit in old t-shirts and jeans and peel off the masks of fashion statements

To love is to GET OUT of the normality of culture and religion

To love is to drop all ties to this empire of selfish paper castles

To love is to cling to the raw beauty of unique individualistic humanity

To love is to see through eyes that are not clouded by bigotry, hatred, judgement, pretended compassion, hidden motives, or expectations

To love is to release the temptation to change another human being

To love is to let life take it’s course

To love is to see every race, sex, transgender, criminal, age, weight, social class, political view, world view, addict, HUMAN BEING as my soul mate

To love is to wail and mourn for every head that looks the other way from “helpless” cases such as Darfur, Iraq, the Tenderloin District, and other impossibilities

To love is to pour sweat and tears into such impossibilities

To love is not be concerned with the outcome of such impossibilities, but to instead focus on loving and being and acting

To love is to undress the pressures, expectations, and stresses we allow others to pull over us

To love is to forgive and let go of our right we can hold over another human being

To love is to fight for the awareness of childhood wonder and awe

To love is to not “grow up”

To love is to cherish the innocence of a sensitive conscience and not be ashamed of it

To love is to hurt

To love is to intimately feel injustice

To love is to be angry

To love is to make a dent in history for everything one comes in contact with

To love is to impact one day of one life, even if it’s my own

To love is to put a stop to consumerism, which will put a stop to slavery, which will put a stop to the terrorists of greed, which will put a stop to objectifying human beings

To love is to look in the mirror and not want to change a thing

To love is to be utterly disgusted of self-obsessed living and vomitous greed

To love is to keep growing

To love is to fight the everyday, uphill battle of apathy and mediocre living

To love is to wake up

To love is to ache

To love is to dance and not care what others think

To love is to refuse to settle…for anything of a plateau nature

To love is to add to this list so that it will never end

To love is to not give up…by fixing my eyes on the only One Who is Love

To love means that your world will be turned upside down, but

Isn’t it upside down already?

So maybe to love will set it right again…

But beware:

Because

To love is to destroy the empire, and so the empire will try to destroy you

To love is to unveil the materialistically wealthy of the poverty of their greed, and so they will attempt to entrap you with wanton greed yourself, making you a puppet to their personal schemes, and stripping you of your uniqueness and dignity

To love is to deface the mask of our sick society and reveal the beast underneath, and no one likes their cover blown, and so this beast will try to make a beast out of you

So beware. Because you may very well change the world…and so, my friend, you could be the most dangerous weapon this world will know!

To love…

Any takers?

Faith Like a Dog

Awakenings

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January 14, 2012

There we were, walking down to the river. The day was perfect – sunlight warming our skin, tiny breeze in the air, and the sound of gravel underneath our feet. These pilgrimages are our favorite. The 3 of us make our way down – 2 of us talking about our day, or just walking in silence and letting our souls do the talking. The 3rd one, our dog Kramer, runs ahead, sniffing out footprints from squirrels, or playing the game of marking territory. He runs ahead as if he can’t wait for this amazing adventure, and then, in loyalty, gallops back to us, his smile shining, his pant heavy, tongue hanging out to the side. It’s as if he’s saying, “C’mon guys! Aren’t you excited? Look at this day! Let’s not waste a single second! C’mon! I’ll race you to the river!” and then he’s off again, hoping we’ll follow. And he does this every time we go to the river. He never gets bored with the routine of it. Every walk is as if it’s the first walk ever taken.

The 2 of us finally make it down to the river, and Kramer is waiting at the water’s edge, fur already soaked from a warm-up swim while we lagged behind. His stance is poised, smile from ear-to-ear, ready to play fetch a stick or rock. And for the next 15 minutes or so, we throw a stick in, and he grabs it, and then swims back to us. This is the perfect day for him. Just BEING in the presence of his two favorite people. He lives for this moment. And so do we. There’s something therapeutic about going on a walk, especially with a dog. After a long hard day, as we arrive exhausted at home, there to greet us is Kramer. Somehow that unconditional love and worship and excitement, just cuz we’re home, washes the stress away and everything feels alright…

I wonder if I’m present for every beautiful miracle-moment called life? Do I treat every day as if it’s the first walk ever, even if it may feel like the same routine? Do I jump with both feet in to whatever adventure, task or challenge comes my way? Do I love my Master with unashamed intensity and passion? Is just BEING in His presence enough for me? Do I encourage my favorite people to keep going and never give up?

I’ve learned so many lessons from my dog. I know, he’s just an animal…but his tenacity, humor, loyalty, love and faith can put any of us humans to shame. Some lessons I’ve learned from Kramer are:

– Playing is so refreshing for the soul. Everyone needs to tear around the house or yard every once in a while!

– Food is AMAZING!! Enjoy each morsel intensely!

– Cuddling on the couch is a must, and somehow makes everything ok.

Kramer's favorite chair

– Riding in the car with the windows down, stereo blazing, and head out, breaks any bad mood!

– After a long walk, and a long day, a good sigh always helps.

– Fun is everywhere and anywhere you are – use your nose and find it! The adventure is waiting – it’s up to you!

– Life is so much better TOGETHER.

– When you see a spider on the wall, bark at it first, and then kill it.

– A treat is always appreciated after some hard work or any performance task.

Kramer performs trick "begging"

– When at the beach, dig in the sand, get your feet wet, and chase the waves or seagulls. Oh, and a nice piece of driftwood is great, too.

– Never lose sight of the pleasure if simple things – like chewing a stick to pieces for no reason at all (a.k.a – dog bubble wrap)

– It’s always good to greet those you love at the door.

– Even if you drop or miss the frisbee during a good game of catch, enjoy the process of the play – pick it up, try again – but don’t ever give up! Life is just too precious…

Kramer loves his frisbee

– Don’t ever be ashamed to ask for or receive affection.

– Never withhold any piece of your heart – Love unashamedly!

Kramer has taught me many things. He has taught me the art of being present. He’s shown me that forgiving yourself is possible and it’s liberating. And most importantly, he has taught me the beauty and power of faith (definition: “Complete trust or confidence in someone or something.”) That if, and when, I have faith like a dog, my life will have less stress in it, more pleasure in the simplicity of beauty, and I will rest in the fact that my Master will take care of me and we will share this beautiful life together.

No Borders

Awakenings

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January 10, 2012

You know, we are are funny creatures, us humans. We dare to think that we have the power to box-in our own species with borders; with laws based on man-made lines drawn on a piece of paper. And I’m not just talking about physical, geographical boundaries. We dare to limit our own race, the human race, with our bigoted viewpoints of skin color, country of origin, religious affiliation, political views, gender or social status. We have the audacity to treat some humans as sub-par, less-than- equal to us, or a nuisance to our way of living. We forget that we are all made of the same stuff: we are all dust. Where do we get the illusion that some dust is more valuable than other dust? I can look at any of my kind and know that we are the same -the ground is level – we are united by our dust – our clay bodies move and breath and live. Our blood is the same color. We all laugh, cry, feel pain and have the greatest need of all – LOVE. We exist in the miracle of dirt-clod people who carry the choice every second to be lovers or haters on this spinning ball we call earth.

But just as dust is what unites us, so also does the sanctity of life – the fact that we breathe and move and love. This breath comes from a Source outside our clay-formed bodies, and so we are the same in the fact that the only thing that elevates us to a status above dust is God’s breath of life. Therefore we are all the same -the ground is level- we are united by the sanctity of God’s life-giving breath. And so we have no right to play the part of god and box each other in our man-made agendas and borders. Instead we should celebrate each other, protect the sanctity of each other, and join hands in the commonality that we are no longer just dust anymore – we are sacred clay containers of love and life!

I wrote the following poem after spending a week living with the beautiful hill tribe people of Thailand. We lived in their houses with them, slept on their mats, bathed in their water, ate their food, and played in the streets with them. We danced with them, and worked side-by-side with them. We became one – our assumed differences dissolved as we realized we were the same – we were human brothers and sisters. And when we said goodbye, it felt like leaving family. I wrote this poem the day after we left while we were in the air:

Thailand Woman in our village. Picture taken by Casey Miller.

No Borders

Your skin and my skin
Laughter the same
Tears just as salty
Emotions run deep
Love stirs strong.
Hands clutch for affection
Wanting to be understood
Yearning to communicate.

Hearts intertwined
Locked by commonality
We are the same
I look at you
And I see my face
I work with you
And I feel your heart
I smile with you
And we are one
No borders. No countries.
No race. No religion.
No barriers. No status.
No us versus them.
Just beautiful connection
Familial bond
We are the same
You and I.

Beautiful tears of separation
Tokens and evidence
That we are forever bound – glued
Of the same soul
Of the same dust
Of the same heart
Brothers and sisters
Soul mates.

No language can separate
No skin color can divide
Proof that we are
All made of the same stuff
Proof that love overrides
The barriers we as humans
Like to box each other in.
When will we learn
That we tie ourselves down
And limit our potential for power
With our borders?

O tiny human selfish mind!
Stop! Stop looking in the mirror
Stop your paper-castle-building
Instead: Love, and love, and love!
My nationality
Is all humankind
My kingdom is you.
No Borders.

Believe – Epilogue

Awakenings

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January 6, 2012

The holidays are now over. Everyone is getting back into their routines, or trying out their New Year’s resolutions. Life keeps charging on. Yet BELIEVE has been following me, and jumping out at me everywhere lately.

I saw it recently on a piece of wall art in the beach house my family had our reunion in. I saw it in craft store. I read it in a book, and then in a Bible promise. I heard it in a movie. Believe, believe, believe. I suddenly see it popping out everywhere, like the hidden colors of a sunset that suddenly emerge when the light changes.

And I kinda am enjoying it! It’s like this constant whisper of that Christmas afternoon epiphany that keeps me focused on what it truly means to move beyond myself. It’s like BELIEVE has chosen me as it’s New Year’s Resolution. It will be fun to see how this concept, BELIEVE, continues to translate itself into my life. And all in the honor of that mysterious man in the Starbucks coffee shop in San Francisco.

With all this surrounding me, I’ve come to realize a few additional things: Since BELIEVE is in fact a verb, it requires action – yet action must be birthed from a place of inspiration, in order for it to be new and fresh and be able to move forward. It must come from a Source greater than just me, cuz me-ness only goes so far. To be truly inspired means to be moved by a Force outside of myself, which then, in turn, propels myself to DO something, anything. It propels me to MOVE.

This Something outside of me, inspires me to an action beyond just mere thoughts, and I respond to that Inspiration with action, because I know there is something greater than just my skin and bones fueling it. And when I merge with that Inspiration, when I flesh out what that source inspires me to do, greatness takes place. Joining with a Source greater than myself, I can make a mere idea, even though it seems impossible, become a reality. This is what BELIEVE is. But I can only keep this growing as I rely on a Higher Power that is the Source of the inspiration. Let me explain more.

After that Christmas afternoon of trying to find that man from Starbucks, I still felt a tiny bit sad. Yes, we had fed another man in his honor; yes, we had given out Christmas into the tenderloin that morning; yes, I was seeing the world with new eyes…but I still felt inadequate. I still felt like I had missed that one human soul who was still out there. We had been planning to stop by Grace Cathedral on the way out-of-town, and now I was really looking forward to it. Somehow the idea of sitting in that beautiful cave-of-a-building sounded perfect just about now.

So we went in. We walked around the place, the smell of incense lingering in the air. The afternoon light from outside cascaded through the stain glass windows. It was peaceful. After walking around, I sat down in one of the pews and just let the day’s events cascade over my soul. And I began to pray for those faces I had seen that morning: the lonely eyes, the hopeful smiles, the broken lives. I thought of the people who had missed the food lines, or the children who hadn’t got a present. I prayed for the lonely wealthy ones who are caught in the trap of the day-in-day-out; I thought of the Starbucks man out there wandering the streets, and all the others like him, getting shooed away; I thought of all of us – united by our humanity, common in our need for love. As I thought about all those faces, and as I prayed for them, for us, the bell tower rung 4 times, telling us the afternoon time.

It was a beautiful moment. Because in that moment, as the bell rung out its low bellows, I realized again that it doesn’t stop with me. All the weight and pain and failure could be passed onto a Greater Source and left in greater hands. The hands that not only speak of love, but are Love. And that reality of putting us all back into a Higher Being’s care gives me the fortitude to keep going and going and going. Cuz I know my inadequacies – if the buck stops with me, precious human souls will always slip through the cracks. If I am all there is, I will be overcome with desperation of the pain we all encounter. But after I’ve lived compassion to others, when my back is tired and my emotions are raw, I can place all of it back into the Mighty Arms of Love – the arms of God. And that is the Inspiration that keeps BELIEVE a living reality.

So in the moments I feel inadequate, lacking, or like my intentions and actions are just tiny drops in a huge ocean of need, I can keep going knowing that I have a Source behind me that is greater than just me. And so this verb, BELIEVE, always begins and ends, and endures with God’s consistency of never-ending LOVE.

…Believe – Part 2

Awakenings

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December 28, 2011

Trying to look discreet, I kept glancing at the man across the street. What was his story? What journey had led him here? What were the warm parts of his life? Who did he have in his life – his story? It felt like the coffee was taking forever, or was it just because now it truly mattered? I kept glancing up the street looking for Steve and the coffee; meanwhile this corner in San Francisco with Union Square across the street, had taken on a whole new feel. Gone was the charm, gone the Christmasy, romantic atmosphere so many times associated with a city during the holidays. It was as if all this stuff, all these buildings even, were hindrances to the souls hiding in the shadows.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, I spotted Steve making his way towards me. Coffee and sandwich in hand, we waited for the signal to cross the street. The man stood there still, leaning against the cold stone building, watching the people pass by, looking towards all the signs that screamed “BELIEVE.” Finally the light changed and as we crossed the street and got closer and closer, I saw that it wasn’t the same man who had been in Starbucks. He was almost wearing the same clothes, but as we drew nearer I could see his face was different and he was taller. It had been too good to be true… We approached him anyway and Steve asked: “were you recently in Starbucks looking to buy a coffee?” The man looked bewildered and surprised that someone was even talking with him, and finally shook his head, replying “no man, I wasn’t there.” His sheepish smile and clear eyes lifted some of the heavy load from my heart. He then said, “But I could really use something to eat and drink right now,” and so we gave him the sacred coffee and sandwich, wished him a Merry Christmas and told him to spread the love.

The trolley car ding-dinged as we made our way back to Union Square, and the bustle of the city continued as if nothing were different. I felt disappointed yet warm all at the same time. That first man in Starbucks was still out there somewhere, but he had inspired what had just taken place, and another human being had gotten a coffee and sandwich in his honor. That look, forever singed into my soul, had given me new eyes, yet had left me wanting – yearning to reach out beyond myself. It almost would have been too easy to have found the same man, too simple of a fix. If I had found the same man, it may have only been to appease my own feelings of guilt. This reality was much more poetic somehow – my eyes were more tuned-in to the surroundings, the people, the needs. And it was all in his honor. Unbeknownst to him, he had started a tiny revolution in my heart.

I looked up and saw that word again: Believe.

Believe. According to the first definition from dictionary.com, to BELIEVE means “to have confidence in the truth, the existence, or the reliability of something, although without absolute proof that one is right in doing so: Only if one believes in something can one act purposefully.” Believe is a verb, and so as a verb it is an action, state or occurence. As a verb forms the main part of a sentence, so this verb, “BELIEVE,” had suddenly formed the main part of my day.

Believe has to have action associated with it. It’s not mere words. To believe means that you become the very thing you believe, and to become means that action is taken. This occurence in the Starbucks coffee shop challenged me to be more than a facebook post, more than a few hours spent on a Christmas morning in the tenderloin, more than a few words typed on a computer screen, or texted to a friend. To believe is not just a conviction. It’s not merely a confession made with words from my mouth. To believe, by definition, requires the words, convictions, resolutions and texts to actually take on flesh and blood and become legitimized by real actions…which will result in real change.

And so, under the rise of the Macy’s building, with its “BELIEVE” ringing out like bells on this Christmas Day, everything continued to take on a new look for me. I noticed more lonely souls, not just the homeless, but the average and the well-to-do, all sitting around the giant tree, alone on this Christmas day. I saw children patiently kneeling down, hands outstretched, trying to gain the pigeon’s trust to eat crumbs from their palm…and then laughing delightedly when the pigeons would scurry away – their eyes so full of hope and joy. I saw the sun sinking behind the towering sky-scrapers of the city as another beautiful day was coming to an end – a day of oppurtunity to recieve love and give love and exist beyond self for this time in earth’s history. And I saw a man leaning against a stone-cold building, eating a sandwich and drinking a hot coffee – and it was Christmas. Believe.